that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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