i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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