apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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