New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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