No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
