we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
