You can't motorboat a personality
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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