My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
