help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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