There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got inside last night via doggy door
You are the jesus of drinking
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
