I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize