You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So much Jack, so little girl.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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