i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
