Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
