i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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