Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
