You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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