Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
