he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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