i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
