suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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