Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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