Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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