so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
