the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
