I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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