White coat. Heels.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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