We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
