Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
