Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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