You really coming over, don't trick.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
