You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
