No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
