ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
