after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
