I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
