i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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