I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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