Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
