So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the day after is always just damage control
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
