how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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