As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I sprained my soul last night
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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