Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
