only if we run a train.
done.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
