can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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