i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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