If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
