he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
