making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
