Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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