nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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