i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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