in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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