I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
