I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
