woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
